Where Some Men Have Gone Before...

So we finally saw Star Trek on Saturday night. Oh, did you forget that we’re two guys? With all this talk of gal pals and Golden Girls lately, we’d understand if you might’ve forgotten. One of the few stereotypically male traits Alex and Andy share is full-fledged geekdom, although ours is a mixed marriage of sorts. Alex is a confirmed Star Wars fanatic, while Andy is a diehard Trekkie. We’ve managed to blend our differing belief systems, although we admit we’re a little lax in our observances. Who has time for movies? We’re busy; we both have jobs that kick our butts, plus a house to maintain. The Double-A ranch is in lush, green Mt. Airy, and we’ve been trying to get the jungle in our backyard tamed in time to enjoy it this summer. But after almost three full weekends of yard work, we forced ourselves to go on a big gay geek date and see Star Trek.

Exciting, no? Yes, folks, this is what the anti-marriage forces are warning against; if we allow same-sex marriage, two sci-fi nerds might move in next door and start gardening. Hide the children.

Of course we loved the movie, as is the apparent geek consensus, but we might have a different take than most…which is just a clumsy segue that allows us to gush over the hotness that is Chris Pine. We love Zachary Quinto, too. Casting Kirk and Spock for this reboot was essential, and we think they both nailed the homoeroticism the roles called for.

Oh, don’t act shocked. Maybe we are imagining things but so are a lot of other people; the entire genre of slash fiction was started with Kirk and Spock in mind. Besides, there’s a long tradition of reading gay subtext between male protagonists in the geek canon. We didn’t invent the concept.

We admit it’s probably just wishful thinking. Still, we can dream, can’t we? Gays and geeks alike love their icons, so it’s only natural for us to imagine a gay take on a geek classic. We once dressed as the X-Men for Halloween; Alex as Wolverine and Andy as Cyclops. Let’s just say in our continuity, Jean Grey was conveniently written out.

We bring the gay to our other geek pursuits, too. Our Wii is populated by Miis of Karen Walker, Madonna, and Liza Minelli. It’s funny, and it makes for the gayest outfield in baseball. But nothing beats The Sims, the “social simulation” video game where players design and control virtual people (“Sims”), for unabashed gay visibility. We were both hooked when the game first came out years ago, early in our relationship. We found cheat codes online, so we could afford the most opulent mansions for the gorgeous gay male couples we designed. Yes, you can turn your Sims gay by putting a same-sex couple in one house, and program them to sleep in the same bed and be affectionate with one another. The Sims may just be the first officially bisexual video game.

Our gay couples, infinitely wealthy thanks to those cheat codes, were freed from the drudgery of working to support themselves. Maids cleaned their exquisitely appointed, fully-loaded cribs. No back-breaking yard work for them; gardeners saw to the sprawling grounds of their estates. They spent their days working out in their home gyms and their evenings engaging in foreplay in their rooftop hot tubs. They didn’t actually have sex, so we just pretended they were really into frottage and making out. Gay couples couldn’t get married in SimCity back then, but they couldn’t get married in Boston, either. It seemed like progress that we were even allowed in the game at that point.

It was fun for a while, but we grew bored eventually. We haven’t thought of the game in years until we read on AfterElton.com that gay Sims can now get married in the latest version of the game. Yes, it’s true: SimCity has legalized same-sex marriage. We wonder if Mormon Sims are
plotting to amend the SimNation Constitution in response.

In 2004, SimCity effectively legalized civil unions, when it allowed gay couples to be “joined” in The Sims 2. “Joinings” afforded gay Sim couples similar righ-- err…”functions” as straight Sims, but apparently even Sim marriage was deemed too sanctified for gays. With the release of The Sims 3 last week, though, gay Sims can get married, just like straight Sims. Not “separate but equal,” but the same exact thing.

Equality.

In a video game.

Can you blame us for flights of fancy? Yes, now we can experience virtual equality, just like we indulged in virtual wealth and virtual heavy petting. But rather than escapism, we’d prefer the real thing, even if it takes more work to achieve it, and entails more responsibility to maintain. Yes, we’d love an instant payday anytime we punched in a code. We’d love gardeners and maids and, while we’re at it, can we redesign our bodies, too? Make-believe is fun, but we do live in the real world 99% of the time (ok, 85%). Is it too much to expect the same respect given to a video game character?