God? He's Ready. Take Him, Please.

Did you guys know Pat Robertson is still alive? He turned 79 in March (we feel just terrible about not sending a card). He shot his big mouth off the other day about “homosexuals,” and we were spurred to write something. In the course of research we found that Wikipedia has an entire page devoted just to Robertson’s controversies. We forgot so many of Pat’s greatest hits over the years! Remember the time he fantasized about nuking the State Department? Or the time he warned God would allow “terrorist bombs,” earthquakes, tornadoes “and possibly a meteor” to destroy America, because Orlando, Florida flew rainbow flags for “Gay Days?” Our favorite crazy Robertson outburst, bar none, is still when he claimed feminism encouraged women to “leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” It's almost poetic in its form. Hating men, killing babies and turning dyke...these are givens; we expect these things from feminists. He's kickin' it old skool with the witch slur, but we like it; it's retro-cool. But destroying capitalism? A bunch of girls? That is some kick-ass fear-mongering, especially when you consider his intended audience.

He’s such a crazy-old-man figure to most of us that it’s easy to forget how dangerous he really is. Somebody must be keeping The 700 Club on the air, and they’re seeking advice from crazy old man Robertson about how to come to terms with a gay son. Pat wastes no time getting to the heart of the matter: homosexuals are made, not born, and they’re made that way by abuse from “a coach or a guidance counselor or some other male figure.” What, no clergy? You can watch the whole disgusting display yourself:



Alex and Andy are, amazingly, two naturally-occurring, “so-called” homosexuals (although everyone but Pat Robertson is pretty convinced about us). We like Dan Savage’s take on the whole thing: if gays are made that way by same-sex abuse, who’s doing most of the abusing? In the midst of the Mark Foley scandal a few years ago, when the Republican congressman was found to be sending under-aged congressional pages sexually explicit texts and emails, Robertson claimed Foley “does what gay people do.” Really, old man? How do you know what gay people do? Foley and his ilk do what closeted homosexuals in conservative environments do. They do what loudly Christian, Republican, straight-acting-and-appearing "so-called heterosexuals" do. Don’t blame us.

Oh, and lady who contacted Pat for advice about her gay son: 1) your son is normal, and needs you. You did nothing wrong … love him! And 2) for Christ’s sake, stop asking Pat Robertson for advice!