Bitch Slap

You know what sucks about blogging? Having a day job. Actually, that’s what sucks about having a day job. We’d love to stay home and post 10 items a day while lounging around in our pajamas, but Alex and Andy have bills to pay. So we kinda left you hanging with this whole Perez Hilton mess, while every other blog on the planet has been on the story. By now you’ve heard that it was the Black Eyed Pea’s manager, Polo Molina, who assaulted Hilton, not will.i.am, as Hilton initially claimed in his tweets. You’ve also seen Perez Hilton’s subsequent video meltdown, and the grainy cell phone video on TMZ that captured (somewhat) the altercation, where Hilton is heard calling will.i.am a “fucking faggot”. You’ve probably even heard that GLAAD is demanding Hilton apologize. So we can’t claim to be your source for breaking news. We’re more suited for bitchy rants, anyway.

Shall we?

Perez Hilton, go the fuck away. Well, just go back to doing what you’re best suited for: drawing ejaculate on paparazzi photos. Stop claiming to be a spokesman for the gay community, because you’re not. You’re a savvy guy with…um…a certain brand of charisma, let’s say, and we believe you have good intentions underneath it all. But you’re really not emotionally suited to be The Face Of Gay America, or whoever the fuck you think you are. You’re a fame whore and an idiot, and you need to call your therapist, STAT. You don’t get to call someone else a faggot and then play the victim. You sure as hell can’t do that and then claim to speak for the rest of us.

Harsh? Of course. Look, Perez is right about one thing: violence is never the answer. We’re not cheering that he got punched around. OK, maybe just a teensy bit. But it’s wrong and we aren’t condoning it. Still, when you make your living stirring up shit, some of it is bound to hit you in the face once in a while. What happened to Perez Hilton should not have happened, but we aren’t shedding any tears that it did.