Smarmy Bigot Refuses to Apologize

Gay activists and allies confronted Pennsylvania Senator John Eichelberger in Harrisburg yesterday. Remember him? He's the same-sex marriage foe who claimed gay Pennsylvanians like us aren't being punished by inequality, because the Commonwealth is "allowing them to exist." Oh, so our legal standing is non-existent, but we should shut up about that because at least we're not, I don't know...being stoned in the streets? Gee, thanks, Senator. "We're not trying to exterminate you, so pipe down, gays!" This is like the post-Bush GOP's version of compassionate conservatism: let the gays live. They get no rights and no protections, but at least we won't openly advocate killing them, like some people. I guess when your starting place is a point of near-absolute hatred, this is progress.

Armed with a petition demanding he apologize for those and other remarks he made earlier this month, members of Keystone Equality waited two hours for an exchange with the Senator that lasted about a minute. They caught it all on video, so check it out:



Good work, Keystone Equality! Thanks for keeping the heat (and the spotlight) on this bigot!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Translate

Army Lieutenant Dan Choi will be in military court today, facing trial for "moral and professional dereliction" under the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) policy. In case you can't figure it out, his "moral and professional dereliction" is being openly gay.

Lieutenant Choi will likely be found guilty, and be dishonorably discharged from the United States Army. In other words, he will be fired for being gay.

So, who will the Army ... and ultimately we Americans ... be losing?

Lieut. Cho is a West Point graduate, an Iraq combat veteran, and fluent in Arabic. It's that last point that is quite critical, considering that the United States is currently involved in several wars in countries were Arabic is spoken.

To quote New Jersey Assemblyman Rush Holt from his May 8th piece, "Choi is an Arabic linguist--exactly the kind of critically-skilled soldier and leader his infantry platoon needs if they deploy to a country in which Arabic is the common language. Bluntly stated, his dismissal from the military--and the dismissal of other gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) servicemembers--will put lives at risk."

DADT becomes even more disgusting when you look at the numbers. Since President Obama took office, 272 servicemembers have been discharged under DADT. The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network highlights the statistics: 12,342 discharged between 1994 and 2007. For being gay. Men and women who are willing to die for this country. Over 50 of these Americans are fluent in Arabic, equating to a huge skill loss.

The good news is that DADT is getting more negative attention since President Obama took office. We already discussed our disappointment with President Obama on this matter, but it's refreshing to know that members of Congress are beginning to take the repeal of this policy to heart. Nearly one hundred members of congress have signed a letter in support of repealing the policy; polls show that the majority of Americans are fine with openly gay people serving for this country; polls and studies show that members of the military, including those of high rank, support the repealing of this policy.

There are moments in our history that we look back and laugh at ... take Prohibition. What a failed experiment! We feel certain that in a few years we, too, will look back at DADT and judge it for what it is: a ridiculous policy, that at its very root is unamerican and unconstitutional -- a failed experiment!

Congress, get busy. Now.

Before we lose more brave Americans like Lieut. Choi.

Rainbow Lounge Riots

As we posted yesterday, June 28th marked the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, which many credit as the start of the gay-rights movement. Forty years have passed since we gay folks had to fear for our professional careers and our general safety just by having a drink and identifying as homosexual in public.

As Alex said,"what a different world we live in."

Or do we.

It so happens that the same night many gay and lesbian Americans were celebrating this anniversary, and being thankful for how far we've come, that a little gay bar called The Rainbow Lounge in Fort Worth, Texas was raided by local police. June 28th, gay bar, police raid, paddy wagons, multiple arrests, injuries --- sounds a bit too familiar, doesn't it?

Like with the Stonewall raid, this lead to protests, but luckily more peaceful ones. Later on Sunday, several hundred protestors met on the steps of the county courthouse, protesting the raid and demanding an investigation.

So, now the police find themselves in a pickle, as more city officials are questioning their motives, and more and more newspapers are picking up the story. Their response: those gays were not only intoxicated and resisting arrest, but they hit on us while we were doing our job. This is playing on one of the most negative stereotypes out there: that all gay men are sex fiends, and even while being arrested all we can think about is sex.

Although what happened in Fort Worth is inexcusable, I have to focus on the changes of the last 40 years that DO make this different. Joel Burns, Fort Worth’s first openly gay City Council member, put in nicely stating “Unlike 40 years ago, though, the people of this community have elective representation that will make sure our government is accountable and that the rights of all its citizens are protected.”

Heck, the very fact that a town in Texas has an openly gay City Council member speaks wonders to the progress made in the past 40 years.

So, what now? As yet more states are contemplating the passage of laws that allow same-sex marriage (Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey), as the federal government slowly begins to grant rights, and as more people come out we need to recognize that we HAVE come a long way, while at the same time acknowledge that we still have to be on guard, and still have lots to fight for. As Alex said in a previous post, we'll be at that March on Washington in October. Not just to thank those who were at Stonewall 40 years ago, but for those that still face discrimination everyday.

Forty Years Ago Today...

After the announcement that the 2010 Census would be collecting data from gay couples, Andy and I were talking about, well, the gays. How many are there, really? Not just committed, self-identifying couples, but all of us; single, coupled, out, not out. Estimates vary wildly, and one should always consider the source of such claims, so no one really knows. The Census can’t tell us. It won’t poll single gay people, and closeted gays probably won’t identify themselves to a census taker, anyway.

Besides hard numbers, it would be interesting to see a true demographic breakdown of the gay population, across age, race, income levels, etc. The media tends to rely on stock images of us, and perceptions skew white, young and male. Well, unless the topic is marriage, in which case two middle-aged lesbians represent us. Or two middle-aged men. In Hawaiian shirts, usually.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being middle-aged; I turned 40 this year, and the gay rights movement is celebrating its fortieth birthday today. Exactly forty years ago, a bunch of drag queens, dykes and sissies fought back against a world that wouldn’t allow them to live openly. The Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village was raided by the police in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969. It was an era when someone could be locked up just for looking gay, let alone actually acting on it; sodomy laws were still on the books, and the American Psychiatric Association considered homosexuality a mental illness.

Bars like the Stonewall were virtual speakeasies; Mafia-run, often lacking liquor licenses, or even basic amenities (the Stonewall had no running water behind the bar; glasses were sloshed around in a tub of water before being reused). Patrons needed a password to enter. Raids were frequent, even if the owners had paid their bribes to the right officials that month. Bartenders would often get a tip-off, and signal when a police raid was imminent, shutting off the trippy black lights around the dance floor. The house lights would come on, allowing couples dancing close to separate. “Transvestites,” as drag queens, transsexuals, and anyone else who didn’t conform to gender norms were known then, might have a minute to ditch their wig or otherwise “straighten up” their appearance. Along with butch lesbians, effeminate men would usually be the prime targets of police harassment, and could be jailed for cross-dressing. Under-aged drinkers were also usually present; homeless gay teenagers often slept in nearby Sheridan Square.

That night, things went differently than usual. Many bar-goers refused to cooperate, and police wagons were called in. A crowd gathered outside. People resisted arrest; as the crowd grew larger, those being arrested urged them on. First pennies, then bottles, then bricks were thrown; the police were outnumbered, and barricaded in the Stonewall. A riot was underway, which soon gave birth to a movement.

What a different world we live in. I was born at a time when just being gay was enough to get you thrown in jail. People like us couldn’t even enter a gay bar without fear of harassment, blackmail, or arrest. The way one dressed, or danced, or had sex in the privacy of their own home with another consenting adult; all were matters governed by the state, judged by the authorities, and subject to harsh punishment. Although bigots persist, and there are many areas of society that don’t allow us to live openly, and we have a long way to go until we achieve full equality, we’ve come a long way, baby. We’re grateful for everyone who paved the way for us; the activists and the organizers, and the dykes and drag queens, too. At a time when we're prone to being defined by stock images of cheerful domesticity, it's important to remember it was a bunch of radical queers in a bar who set things in motion. We think it’s only fitting, to mark this anniversary, to raise a glass in salute! Happy fortieth birthday, gay rights movement!

Stephen Colbert: Obama is Stonewalling

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Stonewalling
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

(We'll be back Sunday with original material!)

Slow News Day

Wow, there is absolutely NOTHING to talk about today, right?

Instead, let's watch videos. Our friend Brian sent us this clip of Sophia Petrillo explaining same-sex marriage. No, really.




Also, our good (but a little dirty) friends at Homopop found this hilarious parody of the Perez Hilton meltdown, starring the always adorable Breckin Meyer. Enjoy!

Today's Hypocrite: Mark Sanford

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford admitted to an extramarital affair today, after a nearly week-long disappearance that neither his staff nor his own wife could explain. A father of four, Sanford was gone six days, including Father's Day. He was in Argentina visiting his mistress, a married mother of two that he's known for eight years.

Sanford, a Republican, is a vocal defender of "traditional" marriage. He opposes same-sex marriage, civil unions for gay people, and gay adoption.

Bitch Slap

You know what sucks about blogging? Having a day job. Actually, that’s what sucks about having a day job. We’d love to stay home and post 10 items a day while lounging around in our pajamas, but Alex and Andy have bills to pay. So we kinda left you hanging with this whole Perez Hilton mess, while every other blog on the planet has been on the story. By now you’ve heard that it was the Black Eyed Pea’s manager, Polo Molina, who assaulted Hilton, not will.i.am, as Hilton initially claimed in his tweets. You’ve also seen Perez Hilton’s subsequent video meltdown, and the grainy cell phone video on TMZ that captured (somewhat) the altercation, where Hilton is heard calling will.i.am a “fucking faggot”. You’ve probably even heard that GLAAD is demanding Hilton apologize. So we can’t claim to be your source for breaking news. We’re more suited for bitchy rants, anyway.

Shall we?

Perez Hilton, go the fuck away. Well, just go back to doing what you’re best suited for: drawing ejaculate on paparazzi photos. Stop claiming to be a spokesman for the gay community, because you’re not. You’re a savvy guy with…um…a certain brand of charisma, let’s say, and we believe you have good intentions underneath it all. But you’re really not emotionally suited to be The Face Of Gay America, or whoever the fuck you think you are. You’re a fame whore and an idiot, and you need to call your therapist, STAT. You don’t get to call someone else a faggot and then play the victim. You sure as hell can’t do that and then claim to speak for the rest of us.

Harsh? Of course. Look, Perez is right about one thing: violence is never the answer. We’re not cheering that he got punched around. OK, maybe just a teensy bit. But it’s wrong and we aren’t condoning it. Still, when you make your living stirring up shit, some of it is bound to hit you in the face once in a while. What happened to Perez Hilton should not have happened, but we aren’t shedding any tears that it did.

Existential Rant

As we reported way back in our very first post, Pennsylvania Senator John Eichelberger (left), Republican from Blair County, recently introduced a bill in Harrisburg to ban same-sex marriage. We can’t get legally married in our home state anyway, since it’s already limited to heterosexuals, but Eichelberger’s amendment would enshrine that prejudice in our state constitution.

Opposing Eichelberger is Senator Daylin Leach (right), from a part of the state that won’t make you swear you just heard the dueling banjos from Deliverance. Leach introduced a bill that would grant full, equal marriage rights to same-sex couples in Pennsylvania, and recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states.

The two were in Philly Friday, and debated each other on WHYY’s Radio Times. Towleroad has excerpts of the transcript, and Eichelberger’s hate is on full display. It’s the usual stupidity; gay marriage will lead to polygamy and child molestation, that sort of thing. Predictably, Eichelberger is fixated on the sexual aspect of our relationship, reducing same-sex marriages to something he can only refer to as “that type of behavior.” Why do bigots think that the only thing that binds us as a couple is sex? People, we’re MARRIED (practically). We, like most married people, are bound by habit, comfort and a mutual fear of growing old alone. Yes, and l-o-v-e, but we’re not getting mushy on the blog.

He seems to treat our marriage as some sort of fetish, which we suppose it is in his warped mind. “They can practice whatever sexual activity they like to practice.” That’s nice, but we weren’t seeking your approval in the first place, Senator. What we’d like to do is file a joint tax return, or know that if one of us got sick or hurt, the other would be recognized as the legal partner and advocate for the patient, just like any other husband or wife. We’d like to be a family, in law as well as in deed. We’d like the same rights and privileges heterosexual couples receive when they are married. We’d like equality.

Eichelberger isn’t having any of it; in his world view, gay families, at best, are “[allowed] to exist.” Well, not as families; legal recognition of our relationship is a “special consideration.” He apparently thinks we should be content that we’re allowed to exist, free to “practice whatever sexual activity” we’d like. If we’d just wanted that, we could have stayed single!

Perez Hilton Tweets For His Life!

Or something like that. Hilton claims will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas "assaulted" him outside an awards show post-party in Toronto last night. Perez did what any reasonable person would do in that situation: post updates (and pleas for the police) on Twitter. You'd think someone like him would have an Olsen twin on speed-dial for such emergencies. Or, you know, 911.

Will.i.am denies assaulting Hilton, but admits there was a confrontation, and claims Hilton called him a faggot! Oh, and the whole thing allegedly started because Perez Hilton made Fergie cry! To think we went to bed last night wondering what to write about today, and then woke up to this. Thanks, pop-culture gods!

US Census To Count Gay Couples

Obama blew another make-up kiss to the gays yesterday, when the White House announced the 2010 Census will be the first to include same-sex couples, reversing a Bush administration interpretation of the Defense of Marriage Act that prevented the release of such information. In the past, gay couples that identified as married were down-graded to "unmarried partners" when the final counts were tabulated.

This news is exciting, but particularly so for Andy, who is an archivist and historian by day. He's seen his share of ambiguous census documents. Who are these two male academics living together in the 1930 Census, the second of the two listed as "partner" to the head of the household?


Landlord and tenant, perhaps...or top and bottom? Who knows? It's hard to determine the exact nature of a relationship when two unrelated people of the same gender are simply listed as living together.

The White House is still, according to the Wall Street Journal, "seeking ways to include same-sex marriages, unions and partnerships" in the Census, so we're not sure exactly what this means. Still, it's a big step for gay people; any time an institution changes to reflect our existence, we consider that a very good thing. We wonder how inclusive this will really be, though. Gay single people will still be invisible. And how many closet-cases and paranoids will just lie?

One thing we hope is that shining a light on us will prove how (depressingly) normal married gays are. The Census is already proving us right with this study showing that married couples -- straight, gay or lesbian -- are remarkably similar in demographic breakdowns like income and education level. See, we really are just like you, straight people! We can be boring and predictable, too!

Things Andy Hates For No Reason: Celebrity Edition

1) Jennifer Love Hewitt

2) Jack Black

3) Any Arquette born a female

4) Philip Seymour Hoffman

5) Maggie Gyllenhaal

That is all.

Discuss.

The Things We Do For Love

Actual conversation last night at the Double-A Ranch:

"Andy?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Yes."

"Will you go with me to see Brüno?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Let me start by explaining it's usually Andy who has the bad taste in movies. I know that's mean, but he's made me watch Tremors more than once. If gay divorce were legal, I think that would be grounds for it. Also, I don't really want to see Brüno for entertainment value. We know he's supposed to be "edgy", but neither of us is a Sacha Baron Cohen fan. You may consider me unspeakably square, but his humor makes me feel queasy. I just want to see it for research. I'm intrigued by accusations that this Brüno character is a minstrel show of faggotry, even though many defend his humor for pointing out the homophobia rampant in certain segments of society. Fine, but does he have to do that in hotpants? I need to sit in a theater with whoever the intended audience is for this shitfest to really judge how I feel about it, and I'd prefer company. Or backup.

Once I explained, Andy agreed, and that's when I asked a second favor: let's go to the National Equality March in Washington on October 11. Of course he agreed to that (always lead with the worse proposition), and we're extending the invitation to everyone who reads Alex and Andy: come march with us! We know this protest is getting some flak for being a bit rushed and disorganized, and some are questioning the effectiveness of a march on Washington at this point, but we're on board. It's not a march for any one issue, but a march for gay equality across the board: marriage, military, job protection, all of it, everywhere, in all 50 states. Will it ever happen in our lifetimes? Not if we sit on our butts! There is power in numbers, and we still believe things like this can send a message. And how much fun will this be?

More fun than seeing Brüno, I suspect.

A Bone?

CNN is reporting President Obama will be signing a memorandum today, granting benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. CNN went a little crazy with the headline, though, and made me think for a split second that Andy and I were getting a pony for Christmas. "Obama to OK benefits for same-sex partners"...really? Where do we sign up?

Partners of employees of the federal government will be granted these benefits, not all gay couples. Not that I really thought so when I read it (we first heard of this last night), but it just seems like sloppy journalism. Yes, headline space is limited, but on the heels of last week's disgusting DOMA-defense from Eric Holder's Justice Department, we're a little touchy. Don't jerk with us, CNN.

This is a good move by Obama, but excuse us for not doing cartwheels of joy. This is merely a memorandum, not an executive order, so it can be overturned by any future administration. And, sorry, but the cynic in me knows we were just thrown a bone. Clearly the White House felt the need to do something for the gays; the outcry from gay organizations and even the mainstream media over Obama's record with the gay community since getting elected can't be ignored. But it's interesting that word of this broke last night, hours after news that an upcoming Democratic Party fundraiser was hemorrhaging Big Gay Donors. Prominent gay activists and leaders have pulled out and some are calling for a boycott. And suddenly the President remembers us?

Sorry, but no, too little, too late. Last week your Justice Department compared our relationship to pedophilia and incest, while defending a law you promised to overturn. Now you're doing something woefully limited in scope, while exercising a presidential power that you could have used on your first day in office. What took so long? It's just a freaking memo.

You're going to have to do better than that, Mr. President.

Disgusted

How’s that for a headline? Look, we really didn’t want to write this post, for a number of reasons. First, because we just wrote about our disappointment with Obama two weeks ago, and second, because it’s such a big downer. So we’re not going to dance around the issue, we’re going to come right out with it: we’re disgusted.

The Obama Justice Department said some pretty repugnant things about gay people in a legal brief defending the Defense of Marriage Act last week. Yes, OBAMA, not Bush, and it’s the same DOMA that Obama promised to overturn when he ran for President, the one that Newt Gingrich guided through the Republican-controlled Congress during an election year, signed into law by Bill Clinton in 1996, when same-sex marriage wasn’t legal anywhere in the US. DOMA is the law that prevents the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages the states perform. Because of DOMA, we can't file a joint tax return or seek citizenship for an immigrant partner, among numerous other rights.

Fast-forward nearly 13 years; it’s an electoral off-year, and both houses of Congress are firmly in Democratic hands. Same-sex marriage is no longer some mysterious unknown; 5 states sanction them, and numerous other municipalities legally recognize some form of same-sex relationship. We have a president who ran on a promise to overturn DOMA, and what do we get? A motion to dismiss a case challenging the law, in which relationships like ours are equated with marriage between “an uncle and a niece” or “under-aged marriage.” Hmmm, incest and pedophilia? Where have we heard that before? We’d expect this from a Republican, or a Democrat if we dialed our time machine back to the mid-90s or before. But this? This, in 2009? From a Democrat who ran as a “fierce advocate” for gays and lesbians?

We can’t go on because we’re too ticked off to process this rationally, so we’re going to let our gal pal Rachel Maddow hash it out with our daddy-crush Howard Dean. It’s long, but take the time to watch it. Dean nails the point that, although he doubts Obama knew the specifics of the brief, "you cannot talk about gay Americans the way gay Americans were talked about in this brief." Which makes us wonder...who wrote the brief? Where did all this homophobic language come from? We'd expect this from Alberto Gonzalez or John Ashcroft, but who in Attorney General Eric Holder's Justice Department wrote this, and why was it allowed to go forward?

No, Gene Simmons, You Shut Up!

Andy’s post about our previous lives as advice-givers to teens reminded me of this little outburst from KISS frontman Gene Simmons. After performing on the American Idol finale with Adam Lambert, Simmons told Rolling Stone that Lambert would be “much more convincing singing ballads or showtunes.” Translation: Adam is way too gay to share the stage with four men in head-to-toe leather, wigs, thigh-high platform boots and full make-up. Um, OK, Gene.

But the same day Rolling Stone published those comments, Britain’s Digital Spy reported a different take from Simmons, inviting Lambert to tour with KISS "anytime he'd like," adding, “Adam is fantastic. What a powerful and attractive man he is.” Aw, so bromantic!

Now we learn that Simmons was in our hometown last week, appearing on the local Fox affil, and again he’s distancing himself from that big American Idol sissy. Gene starts out praising Lambert’s ability, but makes it clear his future is limited to playing the young Freddie Mercury in Queen or really gaying it up on Broadway. Then his split personality takes a hard turn, this time into full on homophobia. “Mostly he should shut up about his sexual preferences, we, America and the rest of the world, doesn’t really care.” Speak for yourself, asshole. Gene covers a sampling of the right-wing’s greatest hits, making the logical comparison to sex with farm animals, before claiming performers should “be quiet about what they do indoors and go out there and sing.”

Yup. Basically “Nobody wants to see that, gay people!” from the guy who regularly appears in public looking like this:

Skip to 2:20 to hear Gene’s full answer.



Oh, yeah, he's a real charmer. We want to be outraged, and of course we’re disgusted, but it’s amusing in a weird way. He’s ridiculous, but not because he’s turning 60 in two months and still does what he does without an apparent hint of irony. He’s ridiculous because he does that, and claims gay performers should closet their own relative “freakiness,” which is not even freaky to begin with, you ignorant old hypocrite. His back and forth statements on Lambert and his need to constantly stress he should stick to the queer stuff just scream “Gay Panic!” Of course we’re not insinuating Miss Lambert would sully herself with Old Man Leather, but Gene is coming off a bit like the paranoid straight guy who freaks after chummy male bonding goes a step too far. Calm down, Gene! Sharing the same stage won’t make you gay!

Dear Alex and Andy

If you got some troubles …

If you got some doubts!

We can help you through it …

We can work it out!

Dear Alex and Andy!




It seems we've been confused for this fabulous 1970s duo Alex and Annie, featured on the television show Kids Are People Too.

We can see how the confusion could come easy -- We, too, wear red suspenders and t-shirts with our names on them. And I have been known to wear ascots around my neck, in the truest devotion to the style of Annie.

And the hair ... quite similar.

Alex and I would be more than happy to give you advice about asking out girls, having adults not believe you, and delayed puberty. And our advice does normally come in the form of catchy little tunes.

Well, maybe you better not ask us for advice about asking out girls.

Alex and I somehow missed this show growing up. Not sure how!

We'll leave you for now with another little taste from Kids Are People Too, this one featuring none other than Kiss:

That's so gay!

In our grandparents' day, "gay" meant happy. Oh, the gay 30s! Heck, even the phrase "you'll have a gay ole time" is part of The Flintstones themesong.

Not so much any more. We remember while growing up that the word “gay” was often used as a negative adjective, to mean stupid, silly, or gross:

That’s so gay!

That song is so gay!

That outfit is so gay!

That (insert any noun here) is so gay!

Now we know officially that blogs, of all things, are gay! This is thanks to a recent survey done that shows that 55% of all homosexuals routinely read blogs, compared to only 38% of heterosexuals. Heck, if you’re gay and reading this right now you fall into that 55% category! Congrats!

The same is true for online social networks: for example, 55% of gays surveyed are members of Facebook, compared to 46% of heterosexuals surveyed.

So, let’s say it together:

That Facebook is so gay!

But let's get back to the inappropriate use of the word "gay," shall we.

So, what does make something "gay?" The use of the word gay to negatively describe something - or someone - is still common. In fact, there was a recent lawsuit in California where a student had her permanent record cited when she used the phrase "that's so gay" in response to kids that were mocking her for being Mormon. He parents filed suit, claiming that her first amendment rights were violated. The court documents state that it was unfair to punish her for such, since the phrase "enjoys widespread currency in youth culture."

Hmmm. So if everyone is being hateful, it's okay? She lost the case.

It all goes back to the two old saying "words can hurt" and "think before you speak" ... when we use the term gay to define something stupid, we are, in turn, stating that gay people are stupid, and worthy of discrimination and mis-treatment.

Our pal Wanda Sykes agrees:




OMG, that video was so gay!

Chastity Belt

As you may have heard, Chastity Bono is going through some changes. The 40 year old daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher is to become the 40 year old son of Sonny Bono and Cher, and change her -- er, his name to Chaz.

Out since the mid 90s, Chaz has been a fierce advocate for LGBT --- that’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered for you new folks --- rights for nearly two decades. Chaz has one impressive resume: Contributor to the Advocate, spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign, outspoken opponent to the Defense of Marriage Act, Media Director for the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, author of two books on coming out … and the list goes on and on! We queers owe Chaz a huge amount of thanks and respect. And he’s got it from us!

What’s even more interesting is that the California native, stripped of the right to marry long-term partner Joan thanks to Prop 8, can now marry her once the transition is complete.

Take that Mormons!

And congrats to you Chaz for your bravery! We wish you nothing but happiness.

God? He's Ready. Take Him, Please.

Did you guys know Pat Robertson is still alive? He turned 79 in March (we feel just terrible about not sending a card). He shot his big mouth off the other day about “homosexuals,” and we were spurred to write something. In the course of research we found that Wikipedia has an entire page devoted just to Robertson’s controversies. We forgot so many of Pat’s greatest hits over the years! Remember the time he fantasized about nuking the State Department? Or the time he warned God would allow “terrorist bombs,” earthquakes, tornadoes “and possibly a meteor” to destroy America, because Orlando, Florida flew rainbow flags for “Gay Days?” Our favorite crazy Robertson outburst, bar none, is still when he claimed feminism encouraged women to “leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” It's almost poetic in its form. Hating men, killing babies and turning dyke...these are givens; we expect these things from feminists. He's kickin' it old skool with the witch slur, but we like it; it's retro-cool. But destroying capitalism? A bunch of girls? That is some kick-ass fear-mongering, especially when you consider his intended audience.

He’s such a crazy-old-man figure to most of us that it’s easy to forget how dangerous he really is. Somebody must be keeping The 700 Club on the air, and they’re seeking advice from crazy old man Robertson about how to come to terms with a gay son. Pat wastes no time getting to the heart of the matter: homosexuals are made, not born, and they’re made that way by abuse from “a coach or a guidance counselor or some other male figure.” What, no clergy? You can watch the whole disgusting display yourself:



Alex and Andy are, amazingly, two naturally-occurring, “so-called” homosexuals (although everyone but Pat Robertson is pretty convinced about us). We like Dan Savage’s take on the whole thing: if gays are made that way by same-sex abuse, who’s doing most of the abusing? In the midst of the Mark Foley scandal a few years ago, when the Republican congressman was found to be sending under-aged congressional pages sexually explicit texts and emails, Robertson claimed Foley “does what gay people do.” Really, old man? How do you know what gay people do? Foley and his ilk do what closeted homosexuals in conservative environments do. They do what loudly Christian, Republican, straight-acting-and-appearing "so-called heterosexuals" do. Don’t blame us.

Oh, and lady who contacted Pat for advice about her gay son: 1) your son is normal, and needs you. You did nothing wrong … love him! And 2) for Christ’s sake, stop asking Pat Robertson for advice!

Cast A Vote For Gay Marriage!

Well, not really, but check out these two cuties vying for Us Magazine's "Win Your Dream Wedding" contest. The winning couple gets to plan their "celebrity inspired dream wedding," courtesy of Us and WeddingChannel.com. (There's a "Wedding Channel"?) Last year's winners wed in the same locale Demi and Ashton did. Whatev. Our boys have classier plans, of course. Jeffery says, "Matthew wants to have our wedding at The Cloisters in northern New York City. I imagine a lot of tents and a Victorian feel. It's his wedding and all in his head. I am just the lucky guy." Sounds like Matthew's got Jeffery well-trained! Good luck, fellas, and we'll be looking for our invitation after you win!

Breaking News:

Water is wet.

Panic in the New York Senate!

Looks like our gay friends in New York can forget about getting married any time soon. Two Democratic Senators, Pedro Espada and Hiram Monserratte, broke with their party and elected GOP Senator Dean Skelos majority leader, changing the balance of power in Albany.

The marriage bill Governor Paterson introduced last April already passed in the State Assembly, but even before yesterday's late afternoon coup, its hopes of passing the Senate were dim. In addition to Espada and Monserratte (who claim they're still Democrats), two other conservative Democratic Senators, Ruben Diaz Sr. and Carl Kruger make up the "Gang of Four," so-called "independent Democrats" who have quite blatantly courted Republican support since the Democrats won control of the Senate in November. One of the key points of contention the four had with their party was the marriage equality bill. Now that they've handed control of the Senate to the Republicans, it's unlikely it will ever see the light of day.

It seems like such an overreaction, although the push for gay equality is probably only one factor in the four's conflict with their party. Still, drama queen much? Why not just let the bill come to a vote and "vote your conscience"? It smacks of gay panic to us, as if siding with the Democrats makes one look like a fag.

It's interesting to note that none of these politicians is from rural Upstate. Espada and Diaz are both from the Bronx, while Monserratte is from Queens and Kruger from Brooklyn, proving that even the bluest cities in the bluest states can harbor bigots. All of these men use religion to justify their hate, mixing personal religious beliefs with policy making that impacts people of all faiths and none. Monserratte in particular seems ill-suited to the moral high ground, accused of slashing his girlfriend in the face with a beer bottle last December, requiring 20 to 40 stitches. Yes, this is a man who feels he has a right to judge the relationships of other people, and use God's law to justify it.

Remember when Prop 8 passed in California, and the other side told us we had to accept it because it's "the will of the people"? Even though making the civil rights of a minority dependant on a popular vote seems ridiculously flawed and inherently unfair, but that's besides the point. "The people spoke", and we had to accept that. Well, didn't the people speak in New York last November, when they handed control of their state Senate to Democrats for the first time in 44 years? What gives these two men the right to reverse that? Vote these bums out, New Yorkers!

Where Some Men Have Gone Before...

So we finally saw Star Trek on Saturday night. Oh, did you forget that we’re two guys? With all this talk of gal pals and Golden Girls lately, we’d understand if you might’ve forgotten. One of the few stereotypically male traits Alex and Andy share is full-fledged geekdom, although ours is a mixed marriage of sorts. Alex is a confirmed Star Wars fanatic, while Andy is a diehard Trekkie. We’ve managed to blend our differing belief systems, although we admit we’re a little lax in our observances. Who has time for movies? We’re busy; we both have jobs that kick our butts, plus a house to maintain. The Double-A ranch is in lush, green Mt. Airy, and we’ve been trying to get the jungle in our backyard tamed in time to enjoy it this summer. But after almost three full weekends of yard work, we forced ourselves to go on a big gay geek date and see Star Trek.

Exciting, no? Yes, folks, this is what the anti-marriage forces are warning against; if we allow same-sex marriage, two sci-fi nerds might move in next door and start gardening. Hide the children.

Of course we loved the movie, as is the apparent geek consensus, but we might have a different take than most…which is just a clumsy segue that allows us to gush over the hotness that is Chris Pine. We love Zachary Quinto, too. Casting Kirk and Spock for this reboot was essential, and we think they both nailed the homoeroticism the roles called for.

Oh, don’t act shocked. Maybe we are imagining things but so are a lot of other people; the entire genre of slash fiction was started with Kirk and Spock in mind. Besides, there’s a long tradition of reading gay subtext between male protagonists in the geek canon. We didn’t invent the concept.

We admit it’s probably just wishful thinking. Still, we can dream, can’t we? Gays and geeks alike love their icons, so it’s only natural for us to imagine a gay take on a geek classic. We once dressed as the X-Men for Halloween; Alex as Wolverine and Andy as Cyclops. Let’s just say in our continuity, Jean Grey was conveniently written out.

We bring the gay to our other geek pursuits, too. Our Wii is populated by Miis of Karen Walker, Madonna, and Liza Minelli. It’s funny, and it makes for the gayest outfield in baseball. But nothing beats The Sims, the “social simulation” video game where players design and control virtual people (“Sims”), for unabashed gay visibility. We were both hooked when the game first came out years ago, early in our relationship. We found cheat codes online, so we could afford the most opulent mansions for the gorgeous gay male couples we designed. Yes, you can turn your Sims gay by putting a same-sex couple in one house, and program them to sleep in the same bed and be affectionate with one another. The Sims may just be the first officially bisexual video game.

Our gay couples, infinitely wealthy thanks to those cheat codes, were freed from the drudgery of working to support themselves. Maids cleaned their exquisitely appointed, fully-loaded cribs. No back-breaking yard work for them; gardeners saw to the sprawling grounds of their estates. They spent their days working out in their home gyms and their evenings engaging in foreplay in their rooftop hot tubs. They didn’t actually have sex, so we just pretended they were really into frottage and making out. Gay couples couldn’t get married in SimCity back then, but they couldn’t get married in Boston, either. It seemed like progress that we were even allowed in the game at that point.

It was fun for a while, but we grew bored eventually. We haven’t thought of the game in years until we read on AfterElton.com that gay Sims can now get married in the latest version of the game. Yes, it’s true: SimCity has legalized same-sex marriage. We wonder if Mormon Sims are
plotting to amend the SimNation Constitution in response.

In 2004, SimCity effectively legalized civil unions, when it allowed gay couples to be “joined” in The Sims 2. “Joinings” afforded gay Sim couples similar righ-- err…”functions” as straight Sims, but apparently even Sim marriage was deemed too sanctified for gays. With the release of The Sims 3 last week, though, gay Sims can get married, just like straight Sims. Not “separate but equal,” but the same exact thing.

Equality.

In a video game.

Can you blame us for flights of fancy? Yes, now we can experience virtual equality, just like we indulged in virtual wealth and virtual heavy petting. But rather than escapism, we’d prefer the real thing, even if it takes more work to achieve it, and entails more responsibility to maintain. Yes, we’d love an instant payday anytime we punched in a code. We’d love gardeners and maids and, while we’re at it, can we redesign our bodies, too? Make-believe is fun, but we do live in the real world 99% of the time (ok, 85%). Is it too much to expect the same respect given to a video game character?

A Girl’s Best Friend…

It was the first Saturday of the year that you could leave the house without a coat, the kind of day where, if you don't have plans already, you're motivated to make some just to get out of the house. Alex’s sister had called to see what we were up to. Bridie was meeting a bunch of her gal pals in Center City for drinks al fresco, but we had other plans.

“What about Nick? Is he around?”

“He and Dan are coming with us.”

Alex had introduced Nick to Bridie ages ago, and now they had a friendship of their own. Bridie is the type of straight woman who has a lot of gay friends, and not just us and our friends, either. Bridie’s always introducing us to new gays. We joke that we’re all going to vote her grand marshal of the Gay Pride Parade one year. Don't call her a fag hag, though. We hate that term; we have plenty of gal pals ourselves. Bridie is no one's sidekick, anyway.

“Is it an engagement party or a shower?”

“An engagement party, I think. It doesn’t say shower on the invitation.”

Bridie was suspicious.

“What does it say?”

“It says ‘Join us for a celebration of Libby and Thad.”

“It’s a shower.”

There was no turning back; the four of us were on our way there at that moment. Nick and Dan had taken the train out to Mt. Airy, and we were all squeezed into Andy’s car, heading to an alleged bridal shower in Roxborough. Our friend Lola was meeting us there.

“But there are other men going. Well, others invited. I don’t think any of them could make it.”

“Are they all gay men?”

Alex thought for a moment. “Um…yeah?”

“It’s totally a shower. And you guys are the gays!” Bridie then launched into a description of inane shower activities we would have to participate in; wedding-themed word games, strange crafts involving plastic forks or toilet paper, question-and-answer exercises meant to elicit bawdy innuendo about the wedding night. Well, bawdy by the bride’s 80 year-old aunt’s standards. Bridie cheerfully assured us we would be clawing for the exits after an hour of it, if it was anything like the showers she had seen.

Alex still wasn’t sure. After Bridie hung up, the topic was debated among the men. It was noted that Libby was quite liberal and gay-friendly, as was Thad. We knew this because they both endured the collective school-girl crush we all had on Thad (he’s pretty dreamy). Libby was the last person we’d expect to treat us like, well, eunuchs. It's not that we thought we'd be shunned or uncomfortable; we had all met Libby's family at Christmas, when she and Thad were in town from Chicago. They're good people, and a lot of fun. We just didn't know what to expect. Were we really going to a hen party? Were we really going to be…the gays at the bridal shower?

Nick tried to talk Alex down. "Libby's family drinks. There will be plenty of booze." Nick always knows just what to say. Dan wondered if there might be an erotic cake.

It’s not that Alex and Andy are unfamiliar with the rituals of heterosexual marriage. We’ve been to bachelor parties, rehearsal dinners and plenty of wedding receptions. We’ve both played best man. Between us, we have five sisters, and only Bridie remains unmarried. We still feel a little removed from all the hoopla. We want to get married, but for the tax breaks and legal recognition, not a wedding cake with two grooms on top. One day we imagine driving down to City Hall and tying the knot for real, just us and some close friends and family. We’d throw a big, informal party after; dance mix on the iPod and endless booze and food. No hokey pokey, though. We might be unfairly barred from the banns of marriage, but at least it frees us from some of the more rigid traditions associated with it.

Lola was just getting out of her car when we pulled up, but her addition didn’t dilute the gay in our group. We were grateful see her; Lola’s pretty and femme, but deep down she’s really one of the guys around us. We figured she could act as a sort of mole. Lola's seen her share of girl parties, but this was a little different. It was doubtful she'd get anyone's number, and she's hardly the kind of woman who gets excited about making a bridal gown out of a cocktail napkin. Still, she has a vagina. We made her go in first.

Bridie was right. We entered a large kitchen as a dozen pairs of female eyes settled on us. The median age appeared to be well into AARP-membership requirements. Not a Y-chromosome in sight. For a moment it seemed like we might be mistaken for the caterers, or possibly the entertainment. Libby’s mom came right over, though, and greeted us warmly, making introductions to the other guests, who also welcomed us. Libby was ecstatic to see us. Thad was back in Chicago. We boys were it: the lone representatives of our gender.

It was fine. No, better than fine; we had a great time. We didn’t see any games, or at least weren’t asked to participate in them. We found ourselves in the dining room, a bit removed from the gaggle of aunts and elders we walked in on. Some women joined us, then some more, and we men confessed that this was our first bridal shower. Shower horror stories were told. Off-color humor crept in. We had found the other rebel shower-goers! Andy confused one elderly guest when she walked in on a punch line referencing a pearl necklace (jewelry was not the topic) but other than that we blended right in. We weren’t the sideshow, there were cool, smart, funny women of every age, and there was plenty of great food and drink. No penis cake, though.

When we were leaving, Libby hugged us tight. “I’m really glad you came,” she said, smiling at all of us. “I just really wanted you guys here.” Libby knew it wasn’t our typical scene, but she was sure we’d fit right in, anyway. The truth is, we’re not that out of place at a hen party after all.

Weeks later, we were standing in the reception line outside the church. Another tight Libby hug, and kisses on both our cheeks. She looked beautiful.

“I prayed for you guys,” she said. Alex cocked an eyebrow. He saves his prayers for turbulence at 30,000 feet. “One day it’ll be you guys up there.” Libby beamed as she said it, certain it would happen.

We do love our gal pals.

And the card attached would say...

Go turn on Lifetime and tell me what’s on.

I’ll wait.

It was The Golden Girls, wasn’t it?

Now go back and turn on We. You know, We … that new channel targeting gal viewers, yet – like Lifetime – has more gays watching than gals.

Ga’head. I’ll refill my glass while you go check.

Golden Girls there too, right?

I mean just because it’s on like 24 hours a day now, between showings on Lifetime AND We, AND occasionally even Hallmark, and just because I tend to watch it constantly, Alex had the nerve to tell me that I watch the Golden Girls too much.

Too much?

As if there could be such a thing as “too much” Golden Girls.

It’s almost as if he thinks I’m obsessed.

I mean, obsessed would mean I would need to be constantly engrossed in the show. Or do crazy things like text quotes from the current episode showing to Nick or Peter … such quotes as No, I mean I LOVED Big Daddy … or It’s only been a day since you killed Frieda Claxton … or Sonny Bono get off my lanai!

Obsessed would mean I would know the intrinsic details of each character’s life … obscure facts about their fictional families … like how Blanche Elizabeth Hollingsworth Devereaux had two sisters, Charmagne and Virginia, and one brother Clayton. Or that Rose was the adopted daughter of Gunter and Alma Lindstrom, and had sisters Holly and Lilly.

Obsessed would mean that I would lose sleep over the show’s inconsistencies. I mean why didn’t any of Phil’s kids come to his funeral? And just how many kids did Blanche have? Skippy? Doug? Janet? Matthew? Rebecca? Other Rebecca? And if Dorothy was 17 when she married Stan because she was pregnant why are her kids, Kate and Michael, only (seemingly) in their late 20s or early 30s?

And what the hell happened to Coco, the gay cook from the first episode?

Me, obsessed? Oh, no.

But I do need to go. Dr. Jonathan Newman is coming over for dinner, and I hear that later tonight Dorothy will be singing at the Rusty Anchor. And if I stay up late enough I may catch that new book, Vixen, Story of a Woman.

Darth Vader Endorses Same-Sex Marriage!

C-3PO unavailable for comment.