Promises, Promises.

Many of you have heard by now that President Obama was in Beverly Hills for a DNC fundraiser last week, and that he made reference to some protestors outside the event while addressing the audience. The day before, the Supreme Court of California upheld Proposition 8, the ballot measure to amend the state Constitution outlawing marriage for gay people. Demonstrations were well publicized in advance, but Obama claimed to not know what a protestor was referring to when he heard him say “Obama, keep your promise.” Opinions vary on whether the President was making light of people protesting Prop 8, or simply making a point that he’s juggling a lot of competing priorities right now. You can view his remarks and decide for yourself.

We’re still going to tell you what we think, though: we think it stinks. We think his attitude towards gay people is abysmal. Not just here, but since getting elected; he’s demonstrated a pattern of subtly dissing gay people and our concerns. During the campaign he promised to be a "fierce advocate" for gay equality. Many gay voters hoped his opposition to marriage for gay couples was a pragmatic concession for votes, and believed him when he said he favored civil unions that offered rights equal to marriage. He promised to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibits federal recognition of same-sex marriages, because he didn't think laws should discriminate against gay people. He promised to repeal the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. We knew he would govern from the middle, but he seemed willing to address our concerns. We believed in him.

We still want to, but he's made that increasingly difficult since election night. He invited a homophobe to pray over his inauguration, someone who likens our relationship to incest and pedophilia. Maine and Vermont legalized same-sex marriage since he took office. The White House’s response? Silence. OK, we know the President doesn't like the idea of "marriage." But two more states now share his supposed vision for gay equality and non-discrimination. Doesn't that deserve a mention, a reaction, an acknowledgment? Iowa has also extended marriage equality to gay couples, and the President’s only reaction to that was a lame joke at the White House Correspondent’s dinner about going there with his chief advisor, David Axelrod, to “make it official.”

Cracks like that, and the one last week, really piss us off. Are we just a joke to him? It’s one thing to feel your President takes you for granted, but it’s another to feel that he’s openly mocking your concerns. Mr, President, you don’t know what promises those people are talking about? Here’s a refresher: you promised to repeal the ban on gays in the military, end hiring discrimination against gay people, and recognize gay relationships at the federal level.

Look, we know Rome wasn’t built in a day. Obama’s only been in office 4 months and he’s got a lot to deal with; the economy is in crisis and we have some pretty enormous international concerns to deal with. But especially in light of those issues, wouldn’t now be a good time to ensure gay partners can share health benefits without an unfair tax burden? Is this really the time to still be discharging qualified military experts simply because they’re gay? Since we do have bigger fish to fry, why are these outmoded policies allowed to continue?

We still support Obama, but we’re growing concerned, and not just about lame jokes. We knew during the campaign that there were groups he had to reach out to in order to build a winning coalition, including some socially conservative factions. We were ok with that, as long as he kept the commitments he made to us during the campaign. We’re not sure he is, though.

First we heard repealing the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy might have to wait. Then, a month ago, it came out that the White House’s official website had watered down much of the language in its civil rights section pertaining to gay rights, including repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell.” And still the discharges continue under this new administration.

We’re not naïve; we know that politicians will say certain things to get elected, then conveniently "forget" (or just change their tune) once they’re in office. We know that, even though polls are moving in the right direction, it’s still a political tight-rope act to implement policies of equality for gay people. We’re still bothered, though, by this nagging feeling that this administration doesn’t consider our concerns to be very important. We understand that the economy and the wars demand a great deal of attention, and that tackling big gay political issues might have to wait until after the mid-term elections, or even until a potential second term. It’s troubling, though, that he can’t use his politically deft speaking skills to reiterate his commitment to gay rights. It's troubling that he can't even speak of us at all as President, unless he's cracking a joke.

Candidate Obama promised to be a “fierce advocate of equality for gay and lesbian Americans.” President Obama seems to have forgotten that promise, or assigned it such a low priority that it’s fallen completely off his radar. Gay issues may be a low priority for him, but not for us.

That's what really bugs us when we're told we have to wait for our rights, because there are too many other problems to deal with. We don't have the luxury of thinking these issues aren't important, because these issues are vitally important to us and people just like us. We've dealt with the hassle of being a committed, long-term family-unit without legal recognition; tax burdens that married couples don't bear, awkward conversations with medical people about our relationship and our wishes, that sort of thing. We have gay friends who have children, or an immigrant partner, or who own property together, all circumstances with unique issues that straight married couples are protected against automatically. There are gay people who fear discrimination on the job, and there's no federal law to protect them. There are gay men and women defending our country, at a time when we need all who are willing and able to serve, yet they can be dismissed for simply being who they are, and they too often are, even under this new President.

We haven't given up; we still love this President, and we want to see him succeed. But we intend to hold him accountable to the commitments he made. He campaigned on two promises in particular, two ideas that we, like many, truly believed in; change, and hope. He hasn't given us the change he promised us, yet. We still hope he will, though.

We'll be waiting.

Typos Make The Baby Jesus Weep!

As we pointed out yesterday, you can always tell when a group hates the gays by their website; if it makes your eyes bleed while viewing it, you can bet they couldn't enlist a talented 'mo or 'mo-friendly web designer to work for them. It's true! A lot of us are artsy types, and even straight artsy types are generally friendly to us and our causes. Just look at any Republican Congresswoman's hair if you don't believe us. Don't tick off the gays! You straight people depend on us for all the fabulosity in your lives!

But we have to wonder if there isn't another theory to explain this: STEALTH GAYS! Yes, they're sabotaging the hate movement from within! How else to explain this ridiculous graphic error Good As You found in NOM's (you know, the people behind this laughingstock) new commercial:



But wait! It gets better. This is actually the 2nd version of the ad! The first version also had this typo:

I mean, we could understand how the icky-poo mental image of two men entering into a life-long commitment of love and affection might cause a 'mophobe to stutter a bit over the "same" in "same-sex marriage", but they couldn't even get "marriage" right? They go on and on about how sacred it is but they can't even spell-check it?

Good work, stealth gays!

American Idol update!

An update to this post, from earlier in the week, courtesy of

the New York Times (you might need a free account to read the link):

LOS ANGELES — AT&T, one of the biggest corporate sponsors of “American Idol,” might have influenced the outcome of this year’s competition by providing phones for free text-messaging services and lessons in casting blocks of votes at parties organized by fans of Kris Allen, the Arkansas singer who was the winner of the show last week.

Representatives of AT&T, whose mobile phone network is the only one that can be used to cast “American Idol” votes via text message, provided the free text-messaging services at two parties in Arkansas after the final performance episode of “American Idol” last week, according to the company and people at the events.

There appear to have been no similar efforts to provide free texting services to supporters of Adam Lambert, who finished as the runner-up to Mr. Allen.

Why does AT&T hate the gays?

Ups and Downs

So we can’t say we’re surprised by the California Supreme Court decision to uphold Prop 8 yesterday. Disappointed, of course, but it was expected. In California you only need to put a question on the ballot to amend the state constitution, so it’s quite convenient for the majority to limit the rights of a minority. Just put it to a vote! Lord knows civil rights are best decided by the will of the people. Kind of makes it tough on judges to overturn the will of the people, even if “the people” are basically acting like a pack of bullies ganging up on the schoolyard nerd.

What’s particularly gross about this whole mess is that some people are actually disappointed that the court didn’t go far enough. Lou Sheldon of The Traditional Values Coalition (you can tell they hate the gays because their web design is so awful it induces seizures) wants to go after the 18,000 couples who were married in the period before Prop 8 passed, when marriage was legal in California. The court let those marriages stand, but Sheldon plans an appeal. Nice values, Lou, going after families you don’t like. F*** off.

Another interesting tidbit is the rumor that Obama’s announcement of Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court was timed to coincide with the predictable Prop 8 ruling. If the ruling had gone the other way, and those pesky activist judges did reverse the will of the people, he would have unveiled his pick under a cloud of controversy over judges "legislating from the bench." No one really expected that, so as it was, the Sotomayor roll-out was largely a PR win for Obama. He scored points with Latinos and women, and most expect her nomination to be smooth.

A good day for Obama (and the country, yay first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice!), but a not so great one for the gays. Reminds us of last November, celebrating Obama’s win when we heard the news that California passed Prop 8, outlawing marriage in a state that had previously allowed it.

One of these days we’ll get it right.

Red Idol/Blue Idol

We admit we’re a little late to the party on this one, but that’s what we get for launching a blog on a holiday weekend. It’s been a slow news cycle. Not that we’re limiting ourselves to news, but what else are we going to talk about right now? Cookouts?

We were at a bbq at our friends Peter and Ben’s house when the topic of American Idol came up. Peter was playing host with us on the patio while his partner Ben puttered around in the kitchen, doing something with a loin (we all decided we like that word). Nick and his boyfriend Dan were there, sipping mojitos while we drank beer. Six gay men enjoying a sunny holiday afternoon in a tiny (but lovely) South Philly backyard. Idle chitchat soon turned to Idol talk.

Peter, Nick and Dan watch AI. Religiously. Alex and Andy do not. We did watch a few of the early seasons, but a lot of these competition-type reality shows just don’t hold our interest after two or three runs. Once you’ve seen a couple dozen tribal councils, they start to seem a little repetitive.

Still, we’d have to be shut-ins not to have heard of this Adam Lambert character. We watched an episode when we all were at Peter and Ben’s for Seder. We’ve never been to one before, but we think gay Seders are a little different. Once we realized Elijah was a no-show again, Idol was turned on. We were immediately filled in on The Gay One (not that we needed much direction to figure that part out). We’re not going to get into critiques of him or Kris Allen; we’re not fans so it’s not fair, or even relevant. We do think Kris Allen’s cuter, though. Just saying.

So The Gay One (alleged, ahem) lost. Possibly big. Last season’s finalists got 12 million votes between them, but this year viewers cast an astounding 100 million votes. The AI folks never reveal the vote breakdown, but the buzz on the internets is it’s a red state conspiracy to knock off the fag. According to one story making the rounds, 38 million of those 100 million votes were received from Arkansas, for native son Kris Allen. 38 mllion from a state of 2.8 million people. Yes, you read that right. Counting every single living, breathing human being in the state of Arkansas, each would have to vote for Kris Allen an average of more than 13.5 times to come up with 38 million votes! And that’s assuming none of them actually voted for Adam Lambert. Andy wonders if one lone, obsessive teenaged girl accounts for the bulk of it.

AT&T denies all this, but, really, what’s going on here? Allen is very active in his church and vocal about his faith. And good for him: we’re stating straight up that we don’t see Christians as the enemy; we respect everyone’s faith (or lack of) and know that Christians, even vocal, evangelical ones, are not a monolithic group when it comes to gay rights. As two gay men, our personal views on religion could fill a million blogs, so we’ll just leave it at that (for now).

Adam Lambert, though…well, he’s pretty, affected, wears more makeup than RuPaul and has been photographed kissing men. And we say, good for him, too! He’s gayer than a bejeweled brooch on a velvet smoking jacket and we love him for that alone (although he better learn from Clay Aiken’s mistakes and come out already).

Was this a case of homophobic backlash against the flamboyant Lambert? Or a rallying of the faithful around the devout Allen? Or just home-state pride taken to an absurd level?

Does it matter? Isn’t this supposed to be a talent contest?

Peter thinks it didn’t matter to Adam and Kris. He believes the warm rapport and apparent friendliness they displayed on the show was genuine. Nick says many of Lambert’s votes were probably motivated by identity politics, too. Andy thinks if Adam Lambert had been from Arkansas instead, maybe he would have won. What else is there to do in Arkansas but vote for the hometown boy on American Idol?

Alex isn’t so sure. 38 million votes from one small and vibrantly crimson state in the Bible Belt would be very interesting if it was true. No doubt many voted for Kris Allen because he was a local guy, or he shared their faith, or, one would hope, because he actually was the more talented and deserving of the two. And to be fair, voting against the other guy is fair, if it’s motivated by a general distaste for his talent or style, or even his personality. This is, after all, reality television. Hate is allowed.

But what kind of hate?

Andy would rather think it was that one teenaged girl with unlimited texts.

Petty Quarrels

“Are you going to wear that?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, it’s striped.”

“So?”

“But I’m wearing a striped shirt.”

“So?”

“We’ll look like twins!”

You have to wonder if this is why Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen didn’t last.

We are two gay men in the closet. Oh, no, not like that. We’re two gay men standing in our walk-in closet.

It’s not as grand as it sounds; it’s in a 100 year old rowhouse that needs a little work. The closet is one of those odd spaces left over after a previous owner’s renovations, all wooden dowels and mismatched shelving units from various big box stores. There’s a cat making a bed on a sleeping bag that fell to the floor when Alex squeezed into the cramped, overflowing space. Alex can’t let either of them leave the house without an outfit check. Not a grand scene, but definitely a gay one.

Andy assures Alex they will not look like twins. Defenses flair on both sides. Alex points out that, not only are both shirts striped, but they’re both blue with white stripes. Andy counters that Alex’s shirt also has red stripes, and that the stripes are both thinner and spaced further apart.

“They’re totally different” Andy claims.

Alex rolls his eyes and heads for the bedroom, to see if he can find a clean, solid-colored, not-blue polo shirt to change into.

Neither of us ever planned this. Without getting into too much detail, lets just say we’ve always found many types of men attractive. It’s not like either has a history of limiting himself to brown haired, blue-eyed, Irish guys with facial hair and glasses. It really did just happen this way. We were both vaguely aware that we looked like a matching set in the beginning, but in that heady period when you and your new love are getting to know one another, amid the slow realization that this one might actually have longevity, such superficial concerns seem so, well, superficial. We don’t look that much alike. Andy is three inches taller, and barely tans in the summer, unlike Alex.

After eight years, we’re so used to friends mixing us up we don’t even react to it anymore. Our friend Nick likes to have fun with this. When new acquaintances confide in him that they can’t remember which one of us is which, he tells them “Alex is the mean one” (it’s a little bit true). The time a bartender asked if we were brothers was a little awkward, though. And then it happened at the grocery store. So one of us got contacts, the other went from a goatee to a full beard, and we now share a stylist, Tina, who is well-versed in the art of making us look different. Still, we’re that cliché. The look-alike gay couple.

We know what the cynics are thinking. “It’s narcissism!” Well, we don’t see it that way, although we admit it’s a little difficult to refute such a charge through a blog post. Besides, isn’t a fair dose of narcissism present in every long term relationship? Most long term couples we know share common interests or values or beliefs or something. A passion for sports, or food, or arguing in public. We share coloring, myopia, and the same taste in clothes. You see it with straight couples, too. You just have to look a little harder.

It’s a pretty silly thing to get worked up over in the grand scheme of things, anyway. Two people are happy, why question the whys and what-fors?

Sound familiar? I hope so. Three states now recognize marriage equality, and that number could potentially double in the next few months, but in our home state of Pennsylvania, a legislator wants to amend the state constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage. It is, thankfully, not as easy to do that here as it is in California, where civil rights can be decided at the ballot box. The bill introduced by State Senator John Eichelberger, Jr. would require passage in both houses of the General Assembly for two consecutive sessions, followed by an election where a simple majority of voters can decide the rights a minority can have.

Two similar proposals have stalled in recent years. Eichelberger, a Republican from Blair County, announced his intention to introduce the bill to a crowd of about 70 supporters. According to local news reports, supporters hoped the bill would pass because gay relationships “create confusion for children,” not just those adopted by gay couples, but those who “observe” gay couples.

So we can’t get the same tax breaks or inheritance rights as straight couples, or the guarantee that we can visit one another in the hospital, because someone, somewhere, might have to have a conversation with their child that basically amounts to “some people are different”?

And what exactly are they “observing”? With the exception of occasional gay bar outings, inadvertently dressing alike is just about the gayest thing we do in public. That, and sharing a shopping cart. So we have to forgo equality, even visibility, in some people’s opinion, simply because it’s too much to explain the two men in striped shirts (who are not brothers), sharing a shopping cart?

It just seems like a silly thing to get worked up over.